Chalkboards.
They've always held a certain appeal to me.
Especially when the board is clean...crisp pure black.
It begs me to break the silence
...break the uniform boring
...break the expanse of sameness.
I love contrast.
I love clarity.
Black and White.
I hate blackboards that have a mess of erased chalk smeared in every direction.
...the feel of a stick of chalk in my fingers
...and a "blank slate."
Dangerous.
Exciting.
Tempting.
...because to put that chalk to the board and make a mark
is to create some sort of change.
Power
great responsibility.
What I write could change someone's life.
Words must be chosen with caution.
Their wisdom reflects back to me.
...the fear of starting and failing
...but the fear of never starting at all...much worse.
To never try. Tragedy.
...and how I do long to create change.
The "blank slate"....means so many different things.
Doesn't it?
I walked through Vermeer today on my way through campus and, like many days, my attention was caught by the blackboard in the lobby. Sometimes students use it to draw or write silly things and poems. Today was a simple dark and mysterious three-line poem. Today, more than most, I longed to pick up the chalk and do something with it. But, not knowing what to write...wanting to write a powerful quote of some sort and not having any come to mind...I kept walking. It got me thinking though. Why did the chalkboard appeal to me so?
My education classes lately have me terrified that I'm going to be an awful teacher...if I even find a job in the first place! Doubt. I have been so totally overwhelmed! We've been getting into deeper and deeper stuff. Next fall I'll be student teaching! I'm scared of failing, with so much responsibility in my hands. These precious children and their futures. But I'm stubborn and the thought of not even trying keeps me grounded. I hate the thought of giving up.
God could use a simple chalkboard to remind me what it's all about.
Why I'm pursuing this career.
I want to create.
I want to inspire.
and I want to change the world.
as cliche as that sounds...that's what a teacher essentially does.
Of course...there's far more to it than that.
However,
Thank you Jesus for reminding me of this one simple truth.
and that, when I feel overwhelmed, it's probably because I haven't been resting in You...trusting that You have a plan far bigger than I can imagine right now.
